The Disbelief Confirmation
by lankyphysicist
Summary: Before she reached out and took his hand, he wasn't aware that it was empty. Before she buried her head in the crook of his neck, he didn't know that he was cold. They had been apart for nine weeks, and everything in his life was empty and cold. / Sappy one-shot


Before Sheldon met Amy, he had no interest in physical contact. He didn't want it, he didn't need it. He didn't pine for hugs when he hit a dead end in his work. He didn't need a distracted make-out session when _Firefly_ was cancelled. He just needed to be alone in his room for a few hours. The next morning, he would be the same resentful, condescending man that he always was.

But that was all before Amy.

Had he not met Amy, he could have lived his entire life operating under the assumption that hand-holding, cuddling, and kissing were an unnecessary part of human existence. And in the most literal sense, they are. Unnecessary, that is. But it sure didn't feel that way anymore. Over the course of five years, Amy had exposed him to baser urges that he never even knew he possessed. Before she reached out and took his hand, he wasn't aware that it was empty. Before she buried her head in the crook of his neck after a kiss, he didn't know that he was cold.

And maybe that's what Amy was trying to get him to see all along.

Well, she could rest assured that he saw it now. He saw it now that she was distant. Now that they were broken up. They had been apart for nine weeks, _nine weeks_ , and everything in his life was empty and cold. His bed, his hands, his tea kettle. He was useless without Amy.

"Hey, buddy," he heard Leonard say as he sat in the arm chair.

Sheldon couldn't respond. He was physically drained. Introverts recharged by being alone. Extroverts recharged by being with others. And those with the widely debated ambiversion were somewhere in the middle. But Sheldon had come to the conclusion that he was none of these things. The only thing that could recharge him was Amy. And her spot was cold and empty like everything else in his life.

Leonard was worried. Sheldon only ate, slept, and talked when absolutely necessary. Nevertheless, he tried to engage him every day. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, knowing there would be no response.

"Amy."

Leonard was in disbelief that he had heard it. Sheldon was in disbelief that he had said it. But in any case, he didn't show it. He didn't even think he knew how to express emotions anymore.

Before Leonard had the chance to follow up, Sheldon was out the door. He didn't know where we was going, but he didn't get very far. He crashed against the broken elevator, sliding down the grimy partition with his head in his hands.

"Amy!" he screamed into his palms.

Penny came out of her apartment at the sudden noise. "Oh my God, Leonard, get out here!" she yelled, helping Sheldon to his feet.

"I love her, Penny," he whispered through bitten, bleeding lips. "I _told_ her I loved her..." His blood was starting to boil. It was as if he had lost all control of his senses, the control he prided himself on so much. He wanted to scream. He would have screamed at a tree if he had made it outside. "WHY DIDN'T SHE BELIEVE ME?"

"Leonard!" Penny yelled again, holding Sheldon by the shoulders at an arm's length.

The smaller man finally came out of his apartment. "What is it?" he said, but then stopped short. The empty, misty look that had fogged Sheldon's eyes for over two months was gone. It was replaced by something dark, almost murderous, making his under-eye circles darker than ever before. Leonard grabbed him by the elbow. "Come on, Sheldon, you need to sleep some of this off."

He ripped his arm away. "No!"

Penny stepped in front of him, trying to meet his ominous gaze. "Sheldon, sweetie, you have to get some sleep or this is gonna kill you."

"Well then maybe I should just die!"

Penny and Leonard shared a worried look. They were hoping against all hope that he wouldn't reach this point.

Sheldon took a deep shaky breath. "What's the point of going to bed... if she's not going to be there?"

"Sheldon..." Leonard started. "When, in the past _five_ years did you _ever_ want Amy in your bed?"

Penny glared at him. " _Leonard,_ " she warned.

"No, I'm done trying to protect his feelings," he said, turning his attention back to Sheldon. "You didn't want Amy while she was yours, and now that she's not, you do."

"Leonard, _stop,_ " Penny warned again, stepping between the two roommates. "What the hell is the matter with you?" she mouthed at her fiancé while she had her back turned to Sheldon.

"Penny," Sheldon mumbled, staring at his feet. She turned to face him. "Will you please drive me to see her?"

Penny's face contorted in surprise. "Are you sure?"

Sheldon pursed his lips and nodded his head.

Leonard broke the silence. "Sheldon, don't you think it would be better if you got some sleep first?"

"Penny, if you don't drive me, I'm walking," Sheldon threatened, ignoring Leonard's suggestion.

"All right, okay, let's go," she said, grabbing the car keys from her apartment. She stopped when she saw Leonard's face. "Sheldon, why don't you go ahead, I'll meet you down there."

He stole one last look at them both before walking down the stairs, clinging to the railing. He didn't even bother to disinfect it.

When she knew Sheldon was out of earshot, she turned to Leonard. "What the hell was that? Did you not just hear what he said, Leonard? He said that he wanted to _die_ and you thought it would be best to make him feel worse?"

Leonard toyed with the hem of his shirt. "You're right, I don't know what I was thinking."

Penny sighed. "I do. You just shouldn't have said it out loud," she said. She gave him a brief kiss on the lips before turning to the stairs. "I'll text you when we get there."

* * *

"Do you want me to stay here?" Penny asked, putting the car in park.

His bloodshot eyes looked forlornly at the apartment building. "No," he whispered.

In a few choppy motions, he exited the vehicle and took his first steps. He wouldn't look back to the car. Was he nervous as hell? Yes. Was he shaking? Yes. Was this entire trip going to be for naught? Possibly. But was he going to look back? Never.

After three minutes of dragging his large feet and rehearsing phrases in his tired brain, he made it to Amy's door. Oh, Amy's door. The door that led to her apartment where she kissed him for the first time and he took care of her when she was drunk, and then again when she was sick, and where he could always rely on there being spaghetti with hot dogs and a goodnight kiss waiting for him. But it was all so foreign and distant. _Nine. Weeks._

All of those memories flooded his brain and he couldn't feel anything. He crashed against the wall just like he did back at 2311 Los Robles. Soon enough his legs gave out beneath him and he collapsed. "AMY!" he screamed, rolling over on his side.

The small woman raced out of her apartment. She thought she knew who it was, but she needed to be sure. "Sheldon," she gasped, dropping to her knees. He was slipping in and out of consciousness. She propped him up against the wall, and in doing so, realized that she could feel his ribs through his shirt. "Sheldon, when was the last time you ate anything?"

"I- I don't know," he cried. "Amy, feel my hands. Feel my hands!" he begged, holding his hands out in front of her.

"Okay, okay, I'm feeling them," she said as she laced her fingers in his. "Sheldon, they're freezing!"

"Every part me of me has been frozen for nine weeks," he wailed, his whole body twitching.

"Sheldon," she sighed, throwing her arms around his neck.

He felt suddenly renewed as he wrapped his arms around her waist as tight as he could. "Amy, I'll do anything. I'll give you anything. I'll be anything you want me to be."

"Sheldon, right now I want you to be a man who's fed and rested," she said, cupping his face and giving him a small smile. "Okay?"

"Okay," he breathed, but his face was still twisted in agony.

She wrapped one arm around his waist and he slung his arm over her shoulder. One step at a time, she led him to the couch. Once she had him covered with a blanket, she turned to the kitchen and microwaved him a leftover slice of pizza. If she had known that Sheldon was so beside himself, she would have rushed to him weeks ago.

"Okay, Sheldon, sit up," she said, setting the plate of pizza on his lap. He just stared at it in disgust. "Sheldon, eat, I can feel your ribs."

"I love you, Amy," he said with trembling, chapped lips.

"I know, Sheldon, I know. I love you, too."

"Then why did you leave?" he asked, accidentally flipping the plate over onto the floor, leaving a red, greasy mess surrounded by shards of glass. It all bubbled up inside of him again. The feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, failure. "I'm so sorry," he said through tears, hoping she would see the ambiguity of his apology.

"It's all right, Sheldon. It's all right, it's okay. We're okay," she said, cupping his face again, desperately trying to meet his eyes. "Why don't you get some rest first and then we'll try eating again, okay?"

"I can't sleep unless you're there with me," he begged, latching on to her hand.

"It's okay, I'll be there. Come on, let's go to my room," she suggested, wiping away his tears with her free hand.

His anxious breathing slowed down as she laid him down under the covers. She pulled a wooden chair from the corner of her room and sat down next to the bed, running her hand through his hair.

"Amy, please," he said, wishing she would lay down next to him.

"Sheldon, you're all skin and bones, I don't want to break you," she said.

He exhaled a jagged breath. "I'm already broken, Amy," he squeaked.

Amy sighed and carefully slipped under the comforter with him. She tried desperately not to touch him, but as soon as she was settled, he pulled her in. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he hugged her closer. He threw his leg over hers and traced his fingernails down her back.

"Please don't leave me," he mumbled into her neck.

She had never felt him this close to her, but she couldn't imagine ever being apart again. "I won't, I promise," she said, placing a kiss on the top of his head. She began to run her fingers through his hair again, reveling in the new-found proximity. "We can stay like this forever."

Sheldon lifted his head and met her eyes in the darkened room. "Amy?" he whispered.

"Mmhm."

"Will you marry me?" he asked nervously.

Electricity shot through her veins, but she hid her excitement well. He wasn't in control of his body, including his mouth, and she knew it. She kissed him on the cheek instead. "Ask me in the morning, okay?"

Sheldon stared at her in awe for a moment. "What will your answer be in the morning?"

"Yes," she whispered.

For the first time in months, Sheldon smiled. He smiled with all of his teeth, grinning from ear to ear. "I love you," he said as he pressed his lips to hers, hungrily darting his tongue into her mouth. Her taste was better than any leftover slice of pizza, and he suddenly had his appetite back. Amy yanked on his hair as she sucked on his lower lip, running her tongue over all the cuts and bruises. She pulled away and nuzzled her face in his chest, feeling his comfortable warmth return to him. Sheldon sighed happily into her hair and slipped his hand under the back of her shirt innocently, savoring the softness of her skin. He wasn't empty or cold anymore. Amy had turned him into a lovesick puppy and he didn't care. All he knew was that life with Amy was better. And he wouldn't let go.


End file.
